Give me faith

I seem to have lost mine. Work is good, and about the only thing that is good right now. I am tired of being frustrated and let down by the people who live closest to me in my life, mainly those who actually live in my house. But I digress.

On the positive side I have one very powerful friend who keeps me from diving off the deep end and I have never met Tab in real life. And I did finally hear from Stephy so I at least have a couple people I think care about me at the moment. Lord knows my son doesn't.

I got this far last night and I admit I was thouroughly pissed off at the time, which is why I saved it as a draft and I really did intend to come back to it earlier today but stuff happens.

I made a few phone calls, one to my baby sister, after spending hours in old phone bills hunting down her number and ended up talking for 2 hours, which was great, and laughing like a fool, which was even better. She took me back and reminded me who I was and told me what I needed to do--clean house (which I already knew). I had already made the decision to boot Travis out and be done with him since I woke up not caring what happened to him, which made me feel bad but fuck I have suffered enough at his hands.

She will be coming out for a couple weeks in August with her youngest daughter and told me not to leave the dirty work for her, lol. She is a beach kinda gal and so I have to get busy and lose a few pounds so I look decent in a bathing suit. Worse fates could await me I spose.

I had a sneaking suspicion that Travis was already on the mainland since I have not seen or heard from him in a couple days and yesterday was his payday. So I called his boss to find out he had resigned about 10 days ago to return to the mainland. Although I was not surprised, it saddens me that he would fuck me over so bad and for me the only way to deal with the loss is as a death and for ME he is dead. Strangely I am okay with this, almost as if he had been dying a slow painful death and it is finally over so it is a relief. I. AM. DONE. WITH. HIM...

So even though I am in serious financial trouble and pray I don't get thrown out of my house before I can get caught up, I feel like a human again. It can only get better from here. Tonight I averaged about 10 bucks an hour in tips so I am on my way to recovery if I can keep that up. I know I have alot to make up but without Travis here draining the life out of me, I have at least found hope again.

I am on my way back :D