Don't ask me....

Don’t ask

That is my thought for the day. Don’t ask me how I am because you are just trying to be polite but really don’t give a rat’s ass how I am and since you don’t care, how polite is that really?. Don’t ask because, honestly, if you can’t tell by looking at me then you really don’t want to go there because it is an unpleasant place today. Don’t ask since I may just look at you like you are from a distant planet.

I have not given up the will to live (or I’d already be deceased now wouldn’t I?) but I have given up the will to just survive living. Or something like that, I dunno, I have moved into the state of numb and not even comfortably numb, just numb. The main problem is that I have issues with control or the lack of it. I am not necessarily a control freak but I do like to have control over my own life to some degree. And lately I find that I have NO control over anything. So I am more than a little distressed.

I may get lucky and see a paycheck in about 2 ½ weeks. Yeah, and I might get lucky and win the millions from the power ball drawing tomorrow. Okay that is my fondest wish and I’d move heaven and earth to make that happen. Or I could get really lucky and Mr. McYummy could show up at my door and whisk me to my room for some very passionate "exercise"...Forgive me for babbling but it has been a hard (emotional) day to be here at work and I have let loose some tears on several occasions and I hate being such a bummer but can’t seem to find my footing. I know this shall pass but when you are up to your ass in alligators, it’s a little hard to remember that your goal is to drain the swamp.

Here is your word for the day since it is pertinent in my area today:

Vog (or Voggy)

This is the haze from the Big Island’s Kilauwea volcano, in other words it’s volcanic gases and fog., which basically looks like a really overcast and misty day. But apparently some people can smell the sulfur, though thankfully I cannot.

The day is almost over now and I apologize for not getting around to the vacation stuff, maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

I am home now and feeling a little better and more optimistic. And JFTR, I understand that most people think a pessimist sees the cup as half empty but in reality the pessimist will just knock the fucking cup over so it can clearly be empty. LOL (well at least I am laughing, mmmmk?)

Until later, love love to you all…………..