Thank you Mr. H

I confess to lousy timing when I tried to read your letter. I was not thinking of much except for how to get myself to the ER at the time since could only grasp that I was more than a little unwell but not much more than that fact. However, laying in the ER and between rounds of being unconscious, your words did get through. And when they finally did start the IV which caused vomiting yet again, I thought of your words. Not that vomiting makes me think of you, only that I was awake at the time and pondering what a true friend is. And how bad a friend I am to you.

I accept that I have made mistakes and exibited poor judgement on many occassions, no doubt, but does that make me a poor candidate for a friend? I appreciate your candor in telling me how egotistical and self centered you think I am and the fact that you "get" that I am not good at figuring out that which is subtle. And I believe that a good friend will tell you when you fuck up (but not necessarily throwing them back in your face when you are already ashamed of having committed them) but will also forgive you and love you with all your flaws anyway, seeing them for what they are--insecurities.

I still think the world of you and will take your suggestions under advisement. And I do apologize for any pain I have caused you (or anyone else) and I do believe along with my poor qualities I also possess some very fine ones. I may not always see them, but I know they are there.

And now that I am back among the living for the most part, shall we dance? Maybe not in the physical sense, since the remnants of my illness still linger and I am subject to coughing fits trying to get the stuff out of my lungs, but I feel so much more human today anyway. And may I just say I am tired of the taste of Gatorade? But the alternative was Pedialite and that is just obnoxious tasting. But the doctors said my electrolites were a mess and to drink it to keep from severely de-hydrating again after they sent me home.

I went back to work last night after a week out and though I was sad from Jody's departure, I feel so blessed to have her as a friend. It didn't help that the song "Time of your life" was playing on the radio at exactly the precise time her flight was to take off and as I watched planes depart from my car on the way back to the store from a delivery, I waved at all of them, in tears, hoping she did have the time of her life during her stay here. I know during the time I spent with her I was having the time of mine.

Green Day
Nimrod (1997)
Time Of Your Life

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of
Good health and good time
Tattoos of memories
And dead skin on trial
For what it's worth
It was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

Yeah, that song. Hmmmm....

Anyway, last Thursday I was off and going to the fish store, don't recall exactly why, but got dizzy and turned around and left and took this pic on the way:




I spose I might have been looking to the heavens for healing from whatever was ailing me (I didn't know then) but I thought it beautiful in the midst of my not feeling well at all.

Last night on one of my deliveries:



I was thinking of Jody and knowing how much she would have liked this duck that somehow resembled a nene.

To those who come here because you care about me, I am sorry I didn't update you all sooner and am sorry if I caused any stress to you from you being worried about me and I do appreciate your concern and caring. You are the reason I keep this a public blog. I love you all, even those who don't really care all that much because you, too, are humans.

Love love to you all.....